TotallyNotACat
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Lets start a story. (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter TotallyNotACat
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TotallyNotACat
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TotallyNotACat
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Uncle Lance
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MercyOnly
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a woman going by the name of Bobette awoke from her sleep. As she got out of bed, she instantly shivered due to the cold breeze coming through the open mahogany window. Assessing the situation, she looked at the clock. It was a cock ( you know what I mean, you dirty-minded bastards ) which releases an ear-blowing sound - apparently, to show dominance and to state that it's morning.
She gets out of bed after 10 minutes of pondering how shit her life is and closes the window. For a moment, she looks outside and notices kids in the apartment building yard - they're throwing snowballs at each other. As one of the kids, Jimmy, gets pelted by the other bullies, he starts running off, accidentally running onto the nearby 4 lane road, known for it's heavy traffic during the mornings and evenings. As predicted by Einstein in the year 6 BC, an Alfa Romeo was speeding on the ice and heavy snow-covered road. Jimmy notices the Alfa Romeo, but it is too late. Bobette yawns as poor Jimmy gets run over, his internal organs exploding and their bloody remains spewing out of his body. "For the glory of Satan, of course" Bobette said, as she continued on with her daily morning routine.
After finally getting ready and watching an episode of Top Gear, she left her apartment to get some food. Walking down the stairs, she noticed the unusual silence that had beset her neighbours. A hangover, perhaps? Nobody knows, but she did not care, so she continued. Exiting her apartment building yard, she took a right towards the nearest Wall-mart. Looking around while walking, she noticed a big widescreen TV in the window of the giant apartment building on her left. What she saw could not be explained - it was airplanes having sex. Disgusted, she hastily carried on.
Arriving at Wall-mart, she was greeted by a man with a neckbeard tipping his beautiful, white fedora. "If you have more chins than friends, there's something wrong" she said, continuing on to her destination. Running to aisle and aisle, she finally found the one she was searching for - the aisle specifically made for Pringles products. Her saliva glands were out of control, she felt slightly aroused by the amount of Pringles cans she saw. Having to choose was hard, but she did - sour cream and onion was a good choice.
She took the can and ran off to the register, grabbing a not so diet coke on the way. Bobette took out her wallet, picking out the only 5 dollar bill she had. The lady at the cash register greeted Bobette as if they were friends - they were, infact, the lady at the cash register is her aunt who is a meth addict.
After paying for the food, she ran back to her apartment as quickly as she could. Arriving on site, Bobette saw a naked James van der Beek in her bed, covered in lube with a photo of Ellen DeGeneres. "It's not how it looks" he said, trying to cover himself up. She gasps, letting go of her food as it falls onto the ground. The lid of the Pringles can accidentally slips off - a terrible secret is hidden within.
Predator, of all things, peaks his head out of the can, then devouring James van der Beek. Bobette, in shock, tries to run away, but instead Predator uses his magical power to turn her into a Panda so he can breed with her and fool the chinese into slowly being mind-controlled by cuteness.
10 years later, the world is in ruin, when suddenly, Miley Cyrus appears in a Hyundai Qashqai with Jesus in the passenger seat. "Jesus, take the wheel!" she yells as she jumps down from the stratosphere right infront of Predator on the peak of Mt. Everest. Miley starts twerking, her tongue is waggling around to intimidate Predator. In disgust, he takes out his self-destruct remote and pushes the SHINY big red button, which, in return, calls in the Death Star to destroy Earth.
Moral of the story is, a Pringles can and twerking killed humanity, so don't have sex with James van der Beek and Miley Cyrus.
She gets out of bed after 10 minutes of pondering how shit her life is and closes the window. For a moment, she looks outside and notices kids in the apartment building yard - they're throwing snowballs at each other. As one of the kids, Jimmy, gets pelted by the other bullies, he starts running off, accidentally running onto the nearby 4 lane road, known for it's heavy traffic during the mornings and evenings. As predicted by Einstein in the year 6 BC, an Alfa Romeo was speeding on the ice and heavy snow-covered road. Jimmy notices the Alfa Romeo, but it is too late. Bobette yawns as poor Jimmy gets run over, his internal organs exploding and their bloody remains spewing out of his body. "For the glory of Satan, of course" Bobette said, as she continued on with her daily morning routine.
After finally getting ready and watching an episode of Top Gear, she left her apartment to get some food. Walking down the stairs, she noticed the unusual silence that had beset her neighbours. A hangover, perhaps? Nobody knows, but she did not care, so she continued. Exiting her apartment building yard, she took a right towards the nearest Wall-mart. Looking around while walking, she noticed a big widescreen TV in the window of the giant apartment building on her left. What she saw could not be explained - it was airplanes having sex. Disgusted, she hastily carried on.
Arriving at Wall-mart, she was greeted by a man with a neckbeard tipping his beautiful, white fedora. "If you have more chins than friends, there's something wrong" she said, continuing on to her destination. Running to aisle and aisle, she finally found the one she was searching for - the aisle specifically made for Pringles products. Her saliva glands were out of control, she felt slightly aroused by the amount of Pringles cans she saw. Having to choose was hard, but she did - sour cream and onion was a good choice.
She took the can and ran off to the register, grabbing a not so diet coke on the way. Bobette took out her wallet, picking out the only 5 dollar bill she had. The lady at the cash register greeted Bobette as if they were friends - they were, infact, the lady at the cash register is her aunt who is a meth addict.
After paying for the food, she ran back to her apartment as quickly as she could. Arriving on site, Bobette saw a naked James van der Beek in her bed, covered in lube with a photo of Ellen DeGeneres. "It's not how it looks" he said, trying to cover himself up. She gasps, letting go of her food as it falls onto the ground. The lid of the Pringles can accidentally slips off - a terrible secret is hidden within.
Predator, of all things, peaks his head out of the can, then devouring James van der Beek. Bobette, in shock, tries to run away, but instead Predator uses his magical power to turn her into a Panda so he can breed with her and fool the chinese into slowly being mind-controlled by cuteness.
10 years later, the world is in ruin, when suddenly, Miley Cyrus appears in a Hyundai Qashqai with Jesus in the passenger seat. "Jesus, take the wheel!" she yells as she jumps down from the stratosphere right infront of Predator on the peak of Mt. Everest. Miley starts twerking, her tongue is waggling around to intimidate Predator. In disgust, he takes out his self-destruct remote and pushes the SHINY big red button, which, in return, calls in the Death Star to destroy Earth.
Moral of the story is, a Pringles can and twerking killed humanity, so don't have sex with James van der Beek and Miley Cyrus.
Uncle Lance
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TotallyNotACat
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ok? i hope you didnt lose too much time of your life writing dis
RIS`
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daguywithdashadow
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What bobette didn't realise that her seemingly normal day had greatly impacted upon the turn of events regarding the bohemian midget named Yurick.
Yurick had been walking home from the local indian casino when he forgot his wallet. When he went back inside to retrieve it, a bank robber by the name of Thom Yorkeson held up the casino. He planned to rob the casino for two nacho chips. The manager was stubborn, and he refused to give up the two nacho chips required to please the robber. All Yurick wanted was his wallet, which was right next to Thom.
Yurick acted fast. He grabbed a bar stool and lobbed it at Thom's head. The moment he collapsed onto the floor, he ran across the room, grabbed his wallet, and made a run for the exit. Thom wasnt going to give up that easily. He grabbed his fork and threw it, lodging it in Yurick's neck. In a cry of pain, Yurick set off the burglar alarms. Somehow. Now, 10 SWAT teams and the Expandables were heading straight for the casino.
In an effort to get out alive, Thom, punched Yurick in the face and zipped out of the exit. He quickly called a taxi, and since he was in the middle of upstate New York, he managed to get one pretty quickly. Soon, the taxi driver, named Paul Andersonmcburgervillemcoriley, was stuck in a runaway chase. Yurick, recovering from the punch, got into his Lambourghini and sped off, to catch up with Thom, who had his wallet.
Thom got out Yurick's credit card and threw it in Sylvester Stallone's face. He instantly swerved and crashed into a nearby Sydney Opera House replica. Yurick then threw the taxi driver out of car, dropping him into a marshmellow factory - the fall killing him instantly, and headed straight for Tokyo. After a 10 hour drive there, he got out of the car and quickly climbed up a nearby skyscraper. The SWAT teams, having wasted all their ammo at a nearby veal farm, had no choice but follow him up the tower.
At the top, Thom grabbed some oil and poured it down the side of the building. The SWAT teams slipped and fell into a nearby cushion factory - the fall killing them all instantly. Thom, thinking he was safe, lay down and rested. However, he was not alone. Yurick had climbed up the other side of the skyscraper and was about to backstab the sleeping Thom. However, Thom wasnt actually asleep and ambushed Yurick. The two were now in a head-to-head battle on the needle of the Eiffel Tower. It was a tough fight, with Yurick nearly slipping off the edge. However, he got to his senses and kicked Thom off the tower, to his death. Thom landed in a steelworks factory, which cushioned his fall.
Thom was about to re-climb the tower when a Death Star crushed him.
His final words were, "I shall return...!"
Yurick had been walking home from the local indian casino when he forgot his wallet. When he went back inside to retrieve it, a bank robber by the name of Thom Yorkeson held up the casino. He planned to rob the casino for two nacho chips. The manager was stubborn, and he refused to give up the two nacho chips required to please the robber. All Yurick wanted was his wallet, which was right next to Thom.
Yurick acted fast. He grabbed a bar stool and lobbed it at Thom's head. The moment he collapsed onto the floor, he ran across the room, grabbed his wallet, and made a run for the exit. Thom wasnt going to give up that easily. He grabbed his fork and threw it, lodging it in Yurick's neck. In a cry of pain, Yurick set off the burglar alarms. Somehow. Now, 10 SWAT teams and the Expandables were heading straight for the casino.
In an effort to get out alive, Thom, punched Yurick in the face and zipped out of the exit. He quickly called a taxi, and since he was in the middle of upstate New York, he managed to get one pretty quickly. Soon, the taxi driver, named Paul Andersonmcburgervillemcoriley, was stuck in a runaway chase. Yurick, recovering from the punch, got into his Lambourghini and sped off, to catch up with Thom, who had his wallet.
Thom got out Yurick's credit card and threw it in Sylvester Stallone's face. He instantly swerved and crashed into a nearby Sydney Opera House replica. Yurick then threw the taxi driver out of car, dropping him into a marshmellow factory - the fall killing him instantly, and headed straight for Tokyo. After a 10 hour drive there, he got out of the car and quickly climbed up a nearby skyscraper. The SWAT teams, having wasted all their ammo at a nearby veal farm, had no choice but follow him up the tower.
At the top, Thom grabbed some oil and poured it down the side of the building. The SWAT teams slipped and fell into a nearby cushion factory - the fall killing them all instantly. Thom, thinking he was safe, lay down and rested. However, he was not alone. Yurick had climbed up the other side of the skyscraper and was about to backstab the sleeping Thom. However, Thom wasnt actually asleep and ambushed Yurick. The two were now in a head-to-head battle on the needle of the Eiffel Tower. It was a tough fight, with Yurick nearly slipping off the edge. However, he got to his senses and kicked Thom off the tower, to his death. Thom landed in a steelworks factory, which cushioned his fall.
Thom was about to re-climb the tower when a Death Star crushed him.
His final words were, "I shall return...!"
daguywithdashadow
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"says the person who said that Miley Cyrus would live for ten years and own a Hyundai, the world's most sensible car"
MercyOnly
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TotallyNotACat
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TotallyNotACat
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