Pie

My beautiful orange Pomeranian, Dratco got attacked by an unleashed Pit Bull when we were out on a walk. I will never forget his screaming. He almost died but the hospital pulled him through and the person with the Pit paid the bill. Then he got congestive heart failure and a collapsed trachea due to the Pit attack. I have an excellent vet that kept him going with a somewhat happy and relaxed life on meds for three more years until he just couldn't make it anymore. He was coughing 24/7 and his kidneys were failing. I had to make that decision that no pet owner wants to make and that was to have him put to rest. I held him in my arms as they first gave him a sedative and for the first time in months he was able to receive my love without coughing. I told him over and over in his ears how much I loved him and what a good and brave boy he was. He knew we were at the vets and there were dogs there so just as the sedative would start making his eyes close he would hear a dog and start barking and growling because ever since the pit attack he was terrified of other dogs. Finally after 2 sedation shots I could not take it anymore and told them to give him the real deal. I had never stayed with my dog for the last shit before. I usually leave after the sedation takes effect so the last thing they see before they close my eyes is me. But he was so scrappy that I laid him on his blanket on the table and put my mouth to his ear saying I love you so much..you alone are special to me able all others. She gave the pink shot..THE shot. Unfortunately my nose was near his face and the vein she needed to use was in his arm and I smelled the stuff. It smells like rubbing alcohol times 100 with some other strong chemical. She pushed it in and I said I love you Boomer you brave boy. Over and over. She finished the shot then she put her stethoscope to her ears and said "I'm so sorry he is gone". I thought I would be able to leave and hold it together but something primal came over me. I screamed no no noo noooo I love you no!! My foster mom was there too and she was crying too and she said he's gone Taylor and tried to get me to let go of him body. I had his head cupped in my hand when they gave the shot. I wrapped him in his blanket and listened to his chest and it was like listening to a stuffed dog. Finally I asked them if they had a towel or something. They brought in a soft fluffy towel and I took his body and after kissing each of his feet one more time I wrapped him in their blanket like a newborn with just his face sticking out and took his blanket home with me. It happened on 5/4/15. So the pain is still fresh. I also am disabled so I spend most of my time in bed and Boomer was a great bed partner. In the middle of the night when tears would be trickling down my face from the physical pain he would lick them away. Now all I have to reach for is his blanket. I want another Pom in the worst way. Not to replace him but to give me some of that love. I have a lot of love to give to a new pom puppy. I need him or her as much as they need me. Sorry for such a long post. I commend you if you got to the end. What sucks the most is being bed bound with a pain pump puts me on disability and that means I have to live off of $700 a month. Tell me how I can get another full blooded Pom? I have looked at rescues, the pound, craigslist, breeders......I have found plenty that I would love but I cannot afford the price.