Santa Claus P N N (1 Viewer)

[EvoWarrior5]

The Morning-After Duel: An Epic P N N Story​

Brought to you in rhyme; by EvoWarrior5​

‘Twas a hazy morning in December
In the kitchen stood P N N, trying to remember
What he had done the night before
His hands were sticky, his head was sore

Holding a golden-coloured frying pan
Frying eggs he was; or so was his plan
When Chaz walked in, out of the bedroom
‘Good morning’ said Chaz, ‘is that a new perfume?’

You see, these two people had, in spite
Of everyone’s pointing and laughing, spent all night
Together, tense, sweaty, and a little excited too…
Playing VSH. You thought it was going to be something dirty, didn’t you?

Anyways, P N N, being confused, asked his buddy
Why his belly looked so muddy
‘Why’, Chaz responded, ‘As you know, I am a fish, super dank’
‘And while sleeping, to the bottom of my fishy bowl I sank’

‘Get out of my house, filthy boy’, said the Norwegian army man
‘Or I will have Kevin kick your ass at LAN’
‘Kevin ain’t got shit on me’, Chaz replied confidently, his hands in his pockets
‘I’ll just go Soldier, and miss all my rockets!’

At this point Evo remembered he was supposed to appear in this story
He barged in through the window, saying ‘sorry not sorry’
‘Let’s go do some stupid shit’, he said to P N N
‘Perhaps we’ll go to Australia, to slay some pig-bear men.’

‘But what am I supposed to do here!?’ asked Chaz, getting meaner
So that Evo irritatedly replied, ‘Just go suck on a wiener’
Scarcely had they left the house before they were interrupted
By Kevin and Skiffa, who were so angry it seemed they almost erupted

‘I HEARD YOU ABUSED YOUR POWERS LAST NIGHT’, said the duo, with spit showers
‘What of it?’ replied P N N, remembering how he slapped Toast and Furken around the map for hours
All four drew their swords, the mood getting tense
‘Don’t you worry’ P N N said to Evo, ‘I’m a master of self-defense’

Evo believed him for a moment, but then things took a turn
Skiffa grabbed a Medi Gun to Übercharge Kevin, screaming ‘BITCHES, BURN’
‘I am not prepared for this’, said P N N, ‘take cover!’
But Evo did not run, aiming his FaN at the ground to hover

Into the air he soared, all glorious and shit
Within two seconds, he would Goomba his enemies into bits
But the distance he needed to cross, he could not surf
And all because of the fucking Atomizer nerf.

With some bullshit stuff involving a pan and a sandwich
They somehow managed to win, which was very outlandish
To celebrate, Evo handed P N N some milk in a jar
‘A toast’ he said, ‘to our victory in this war’

P N N drank it and spontaneously became ill
‘Is this a token of friendship or an attempt to kill?’
‘Don’t be such a pussy’ EvoWarrior said
‘That milk is not past date; it’s just Mad!’

Then P N N beat me up for giving him Mad Milk to drink.

E N D ​

P.S.: when we walked back upstairs the eggs were burnt because PNN forgot them and chaz doesn't know how to cook. So we didn't even have breakfast ;-;

 

[Magglet]

Told this to my brothers and they thought it was hilarious. This is about my friends experiance of a hair removal cream. Written is his point of view.

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat.

I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially, all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn’t have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, toe the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.

This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering “ooooohhh that feels good” Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status…so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect.

 

[chaz]

The Morning-After Duel: An Epic P N N Story​

Brought to you in rhyme; by EvoWarrior5​

‘Twas a hazy morning in December
In the kitchen stood P N N, trying to remember
What he had done the night before
His hands were sticky, his head was sore

Holding a golden-coloured frying pan
Frying eggs he was; or so was his plan
When Chaz walked in, out of the bedroom
‘Good morning’ said Chaz, ‘is that a new perfume?’

You see, these two people had, in spite
Of everyone’s pointing and laughing, spent all night
Together, tense, sweaty, and a little excited too…
Playing VSH. You thought it was going to be something dirty, didn’t you?

Anyways, P N N, being confused, asked his buddy
Why his belly looked so muddy
‘Why’, Chaz responded, ‘As you know, I am a fish, super dank’
‘And while sleeping, to the bottom of my fishy bowl I sank’

‘Get out of my house, filthy boy’, said the Norwegian army man
‘Or I will have Kevin kick your ass at LAN’
‘Kevin ain’t got shit on me’, Chaz replied confidently, his hands in his pockets
‘I’ll just go Soldier, and miss all my rockets!’

At this point Evo remembered he was supposed to appear in this story
He barged in through the window, saying ‘sorry not sorry’
‘Let’s go do some stupid shit’, he said to P N N
‘Perhaps we’ll go to Australia, to slay some pig-bear men.’

‘But what am I supposed to do here!?’ asked Chaz, getting meaner
So that Evo irritatedly replied, ‘Just go suck on a wiener’
Scarcely had they left the house before they were interrupted
By Kevin and Skiffa, who were so angry it seemed they almost erupted

‘I HEARD YOU ABUSED YOUR POWERS LAST NIGHT’, said the duo, with spit showers
‘What of it?’ replied P N N, remembering how he slapped Toast and Furken around the map for hours
All four drew their swords, the mood getting tense
‘Don’t you worry’ P N N said to Evo, ‘I’m a master of self-defense’

Evo believed him for a moment, but then things took a turn
Skiffa grabbed a Medi Gun to Übercharge Kevin, screaming ‘BITCHES, BURN’
‘I am not prepared for this’, said P N N, ‘take cover!’
But Evo did not run, aiming his FaN at the ground to hover

Into the air he soared, all glorious and shit
Within two seconds, he would Goomba his enemies into bits
But the distance he needed to cross, he could not surf
And all because of the fucking Atomizer nerf.

With some bullshit stuff involving a pan and a sandwich
They somehow managed to win, which was very outlandish
To celebrate, Evo handed P N N some milk in a jar
‘A toast’ he said, ‘to our victory in this war’

P N N drank it and spontaneously became ill
‘Is this a token of friendship or an attempt to kill?’
‘Don’t be such a pussy’ EvoWarrior said
‘That milk is not past date; it’s just Mad!’

Then P N N beat me up for giving him Mad Milk to drink.

E N D ​

P.S.: when we walked back upstairs the eggs were burnt because PNN forgot them and chaz doesn't know how to cook. So we didn't even have breakfast ;-;

How dare you fuck up the rhyme at the end... literally ruined my day.

 

[PNN]

jesus fucking christ im laughing haha

 

[PNN]

Christmas is here, and the winner has been chosen.

It was brought to me with rhyme, by @EvoWarrior5


I wish you all a Merry Christmas!

PS: How long time did it take you evo to make that story? It's so well written despite the ending that Chaz pointed out

 

[EvoWarrior5]

It took me about an hour to write, I reflected on it for about an hour more but didn't really change anything before posting it

Thanks so much for the prize!

Proof:

Spoiler

 

[Furken]

Well done Evo, PNN told me it was a close call between us both.